I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
