My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
