Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
