I am spending my child support on dildos
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize