your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
