hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
