well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
