this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry about my life...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
