Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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