What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
