His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
