I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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