We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
