i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
