alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
