I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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