evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
