doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
