You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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