Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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