I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
