You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
