So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
