someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
