No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize