i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
