I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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