I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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