I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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