you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
