I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
