So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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