At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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