Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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