Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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