He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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