So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
