Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
