Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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