Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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