I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
