Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
