Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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