Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
