Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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