i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
