where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
