i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
