it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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