she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
