I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
