so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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