I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
