dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
