i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize