i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
