It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
