I'm eating all of the evidence.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
