butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
