If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize