I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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