one two three fourrrrnication!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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