i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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